There was this pair of shoes. Sandals, actually. Every time I wore them, I felt insecure. Wearing these particular sandals didn’t make me feel confident in myself. It’s not even that they were ugly or old sandals. It was all in my head. I finally gave up trying to wear them and gave them to my little sister. She loved them. No insecurity in those sandals for her.
But every woman has something. Something that fuels her insecurity.
You understand, right?
A few years back, I was out with a friend, someone who I thought knew me really well. I mentioned these sandals that I was wearing at the time and how I felt insecure every time I wore them. Her response shocked me. She said, “What? I didn’t think you ever felt insecure about anything.”
Her comment took a dive straight into the deepest parts of my soul. I had to let it sit there for a while as I thought about why it affected me so much.
I finally settled on a few things.
I realized that even as a confident, self assured person, I still had insecurities, but maybe I had become really good at hiding them. This was on me. I should have been more transparent.
It also made me realize that I needed women around me who understood me and didn’t hold me to unattainable expectations. I needed friends who knew my insecurities and encouraged me to overcome them (whether a silly small thing like a pair of sandals, or big, real life issues like body image). This was on my friend. She shouldn’t have assumed I never struggled with insecurity.
As women, we tend to put each other up on these pie in the sky platforms. Platforms that can’t be attained. When we do this we strip from them the privilege of being a real human with flaws because we expect perfection.
I think this may be one of our biggest failures to each other as women.
We expect perfection instead of recognizing realness.
I don’t want you to feel like you have to be perfect and I don’t want you to think that I expect you to be. And pretty please, do the same for me.
When you and I don’t feel like we have to be perfect, friendships deepen. They go from surface to strengthening.
When we take each other off of the unattainable platforms and instead love each other through the insecurities, we help each other grow out of our insecurities and into all that God planned for us to be. When we use the promises of God’s Word to encourage one another, instead of putting unrealistic expectations that no one can attain, we create bold, confident women.
As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.
Every woman has something. An insecurity. Something that makes her feel less than how God made her.
Could we just make a pact that we will stop doing this? Stop expecting perfection from the women around us and instead be open and honest with each other, building one another up in love.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 So encourage each other and build each other up.
I believe as we do this, we will see an army of built up, confident, encouraged women who celebrate one another despite knowing each other’s faults and insecurities.